Sam's been off snowboarding with his brother this weekend, and last night marked the second time I had slept by myself since Sam and I got married in October. The first time almost doesn't count because I slept in my old room at my parent's house. Usually, Sam will tell you I am prone to falling asleep mid sentence and/or as soon as I hit the pillow. Though I don't always directly connect this to his being there, something clearly switches on in my brain when he isn't there and I become this morbid, paranoid person for a few hours. I can't stop obsessively thinking about all the fictitious villains who are on their way to get me--lately it's Chigurh from No Country For Old Men--dude was beyond freaky! I know what you're thinking--villains from the movies aren't real, Lindsey. I know that, or at least the rational part of my brain knows, but when the irrational part takes over, which seems to happen when Sam goes out of town, boy howdy, there's nothing too ridiculous for me to become convinced will happen at any second. There's also a few episodes from Unsolved Mysteries that I saw in the late 80's and still haunt my dreams, so those tend to replay themselves in me mind's eye as well (along with Robert Stack's creepy creeperson voice, describing each horrible moment--ah, noooo). My only strategy for combatting the irrational thoughts is making a game plan for what I will do when the evil doer/rapist/ne'erdowell breaks in. Last night it was, "I'll text Sam and quickly explain the situation" (as if he can do anything from 200 miles away). When that doesn't allay my fears, I'll start thinking about horrible situations in the news and what the survivors of them did to stay alive. Like, at Virginia Tech, how some people got down on the ground and played dead. I thought about convincing ways to play dead for about ten minutes. Yeah, I have a diagnosable problem. If you have any better tips for me to use next time, please send them my way. As for bedtime tonight, the hubby is back and I'll most likely be back to my narcoleptic ways.
1 comment :
Ah yes, I feel you. I have completely irrational fears that someone is going to break into my house, bust through my bedroom door (which I always lock) and slash my throat. Or tickle me. Either way, I'm not excited. Last night I heard REALLY weird noises, like my door was shaking, so it might've been a ghost. It might also have been the wind. But it was scary, and I started thinking I should sleep with some scissors, or at least a nail file, under my mattress. I don't think we're paranoid, Lindz. I personally just think that maybe ghosts and hoodlums could kill me in my sleep and I don't want to miss an oppotunity to beat the bad guy and get on the local news, so I'm always thinking of ways to protect myself. I'm sure we'll both be fine, but you might want to get a gun. Or like... a really sharp pencil to keep by your bed. Just in case.
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