Riding the Subway While Pregnant in NYC

When I was just beginning to show, a friend of mine who was a few months ahead of me in her pregnancy asked if I had had anyone offer me their seat yet.

"Watch who gives up their seat for you," she said. "It's surprising."

"How so?" I asked.

She paused for a moment and added, "the people who give up
their seat are those who've been oppressed. Basically everyone except white guys. The white guy in the suit rarely offers his seat."

I was intrigued. I decided right then and there to keep track of every single person who offered their seat to me over the next few months, and make a note of their gender, race, and any other details I could remember.

For the next five months or so I did just that and these are the results of my unofficial study on riding the subway while pregnant:

At first it was just women, of all different races and mostly ranging in age from their 30's to 50's. All in all 28 women offered seats up during those months.

Men were fewer and further between in seat offering, with 12 men across those five months giving up their seat. 6 of the men were African American, 3 were Hispanic, and 2 were Asian.

I was beginning to think I would go my whole pregnancy without one
white dude offering a seat, until my birthday in July. I wish I'd interviewed the guy to find
out something about him. He was with a lady friend, and was wearing a denim shirt with rolled up sleeves, showing off lots of tattoos on his forearms. I was holding flowers and was riding home with a good male friend. Maybe it was because I was in the company of a white male, and this dude saw something of himself and his lady friend in the two of us.

But that was it. The next two months in NYC passed with no other male whities offering and it getting more and more awkward as I grew larger and larger.

Some women expressed outrage. Once I was taking a very crowded F train into the city and another woman yelled at everyone, "None of you will offer this woman a seat!? Shame on you!"

I tried to stand in the middle of a car as far away from the benches as I could when I would step on and not be able to find a seat. I saw some pregnant women blatantly stand in front of people to try to get seats, but I felt awkward doing that, not to mention the fact that it would skew my results!

The people who showed kindness often surprised me. Once I man drinking a wine cooler at 9am offered me his seat, if I would hold the doors open for him at a stop while he threw away an empty bottle.

Another time an older woman offered me her seat, while her younger son (who looked to be in his 20's, and was, yes, white) stayed in his seat. After a moment, he realized the awkwardness of his still sitting while the woman who brought him into this world stood. He then relinquished his seat for her (I don't count that one as a seat offered since he technically gave the seat up for his mom).

Never in my life have I relied so much on the kindness of strangers, and I was relieved to leave the city and not have to pretend to listen to my headphones while people stared at my belly every time I got on the train. It was a humbling season.