There's a rite of passage that comes with getting married. Even if you register at every store in town for things that you like, there is no escaping it. A well-meaning but misguided aunt or someone who secretly hates you could be the culprit. I call it the Dear God! phenomenon. This is when you open a wedding gift so hideous and so far from your general good tastes as a human that it forces you to call upon the maker of all things and say, either to yourself, or perhaps out loud to your spouse, "Dear God!" often followed by, "Why?" or "I don't get it."
The presents that qualify fall into a range of categories. Lots of figurines qualify, especially if it involves animals of any kind. I love animals, just not in figurine form. Generally. I'd rather just interact with a real one. Certain items made of crystal may qualify. We received a crystal picture frame so enormous, it could not hold itself up. Even if you had a really big house with really big pieces of furniture, which we do not, I can't imagine where or how you would display such a thing. Gifts that may or may not have been used, but you suspect have been used qualify. What am I to think when someone I thought of as a good friend gives me a gift that appears to have been used? Was our friendship a farce? Have you secretly despised me all of these years, and you've been waiting for just such an occasion as my nuptuals to really give me the proverbial middle finger with this dish you appear to have been using in your kitchen until just last week when you decided to wrap it up and tie a bow on it? Did you think I wouldn't notice? The final category worth noting is the "I don't know what this is" gift. This is a present that you literally can't describe to anyone by name. It's a glass oval with a neck, that could be a light fixture but there's no way to screw it on a light and can't be a vase cause when you put anything in it it falls over. True story.
I just can't fathom why in some circles, the concept of using the registry still hasn't become acceptable. You know, the registry, that list of gifts the couple has hand selected as items they want or need to add to their househould. Unless you are a close dear friend of the couple, intimately acquainted with their likes and dislikes and able to hand select an item that you know they would like and don't already have, why would you buy something not on the registry? I for one would be mortified if I gave you something like a cheese plate that I saw somewhere or had sitting in my closet and then, it turns out, not only had you already registered for a cheese plate, which some wise old soul had the good sense to purchase, but, in addition, seven more people had the idea to send you a cheese plate that they saw somewhere or had in their closet, and now, for the love of all things holy, you have nine cheese plates. No one needs that many cheese plates people, I don't care who you are. That's the beauty of the registry. Even if, say, there's a mix up and two people each give you the same cheese plate off your registry, you know where it's from. You can return it. Get store credit. It's beautiful. When it's stuck in a random box, I don't know where to take it. It goes in the Goodwill box. They must sell a lot of cheese plates at the Goodwill.
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